Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3) Read online

  I close my eyes and focus on the blackness there. I call forth the familiar comfort I feel within its murky depths and allow myself to turn off all my emotions. All of them except my hate. I hate Tucker. I hate that he has everything and didn’t think twice about taking my whole life from me.

  When I open my eyes, Davyd understands what he sees in my expression. His lips come down hard on mine and this time, I don’t fight him. Every fiber of who I am wants to revolt at having him touch me, but I stay in place, letting his lips explore mine.

  Kissing a man is different than kissing a woman. His lips are more firm and he’s much more demanding. When his tongue plunges into my mouth, I have to force myself not to gag. Nothing about kissing him is natural to me. He is simply a means to an end. I need to get into character.

  For too long a time, his mouth attacks me. His hot breath mingles with my own and his fingers roam through my hair. It disgusts me that I can taste the pizza and beer on his tongue. I have to envision I’m anywhere but here to get through this moment. His moans make my stomach turn. It feels like acid burning me from the inside out.

  He suddenly breaks our connection and looks at me with a smirk. Everything about him screams pride and I wonder what the fuck he’s so proud of.

  “That will be all for tonight, but soon, you’ll be begging me for more. I’m going to leave now. Goodnight, lover.”

  With that said, he stands from the couch and leaves without looking back at me. I would almost believe it hadn’t happened if I couldn’t still taste him in my mouth.

  As soon as he’s out the door and it’s closed firmly in place, I run for the bathroom. I shove my fingers down my throat as far as they’ll go, needing to rid myself of the taint I feel from his touch. I’ve never felt dirtier than in this moment. The way he looked at me, devoured me with his eyes… the way he was so sure I would beg for him.

  I wretch up the contents of my stomach and continue to dry heave. I think of how certain he is that I’ll be his lover, but there is no way I will ever think of him in those terms. He is only a means to an end. He is the way for me to get revenge.

  Fuck!

  Can I find another way?

  Brushing my teeth, I know I need to bury myself in a woman and wipe away all memory of what transpired here tonight. I rush for my cell and text Vic to tell her that I’m available if she wants to come over. While I’m in the second round of gargling, she texts back for my address.

  Tonight, I will get her to open up to me and I mean that in the most carnal form of those words.

  After a repeated brush, floss, and gargle to rid the foulness of another man kissing me, I head out to pick up the remnants of dinner. It only takes a few minutes, but I need that time to steady my nerves and calm my heart that has been doing a steady thumpity, thumpity, thumpity since Davyd made his telling exit.

  The gentle knock on my door tells me the concierge listened earlier and allowed Vic to come up. I walk over and open the door without looking through the peephole. I know that isn’t advised, but my nerves are too shot to care.

  She is stunning in tight jeans, a fitted cream top, and black knee high boots. Her hair hangs in loose, wavy locks and I smile at her red lipstick. She knows I think it looks amazing on her.

  I haven’t been shy about telling her she’s beautiful since we’ve become “friends”. I enjoy watching her shyness take over as she looks to her feet. A woman this gorgeous should never feel so insecure, but she truly doesn’t have any idea how stunning she is. Tucker surely doesn’t make her feel that way.

  She won’t feel that way when you’re done with her either.

  I have to scream for my conscience to shut up. She chose to be in Tucker’s life which makes her expendable.

  “Come on in. You look fantastic.”

  “Ah, thank you,” she says, instantly acting shy.

  I step back, allowing her to enter. Her eyes travel over my apartment and I know she’s wondering, like everyone else does, how I can afford such an extravagant place.

  “I have money from my dad passing.”

  “Huh?”

  “That’s how I have this place. Everyone always wonders,” I say uncomfortably.

  “I wasn’t going to ask you about it. I was going to say I’m glad to be here. I really needed a night out. Thanks, Grant.”

  “Anytime, Vic. Want a beer?”

  She nods yes and I motion for her to sit down. I head for the fridge while she makes herself comfortable. It makes me happy to see her take her boots off and tuck her feet up under her legs on my couch. It speaks of how much she trusts me already.

  I hand her a beer and sit down, facing her. It’s evident in the way she starts picking at the label that something is eating at her. Lately, it seems, something always is.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on, Vic? Why didn’t you go out with Tucker and Eddie?”

  She looks at me and tears well in her eyes. I put my beer on the table, grab hers to do the same and pull her into my arms. I don’t know what that asshole did this time to make her feel like crying, but it makes me hate him even more.

  “Tell me what happened, Vic,” I say softly, but with a bit of demanding to my voice.

  “Nothing really happened, Grant. I’m probably just being stupid. Every woman in the world wishes they could be with Tucker Stavros and I am with him, but I feel like...”

  She stops talking and I let her work through what she needs to say. I hold her close to my chest and run my hand over her back in small circles. There’s that tiny piece in my heart that wants to comfort her, but mostly, I want her to tell me what is lacking in her relationship. I want her to tell me everything so I can learn as much as possible about the mind and emotions of Tucker.

  “Sometimes I feel like he and I just share space. I know he cares about me, but I wonder if it’s more like a friend. Have you ever felt that way with someone? Like it’s easier to be with them than without them?”

  She looks up at me, looking for answers. Maybe even reassurance. Too bad I want Tucker to look like the douchebag he is.

  “No, I’ve never been that way with someone. When I’m with someone, I’m all in.”

  Her mouth forms a little ‘O’ and I see she’s trying to decide what to do with her feelings for Tucker and the feelings she has for me. I’m sure she thinks I don’t know she has feelings for me, but they’ve been apparent for a while.

  I take the choice away from her by lowering my head and lightly placing my lips to hers.

  I feel her body tense and hear the startled gasp she lets out. I anticipated that. It’s why I didn’t go in for a deep kiss. I want her to be able to pull away if this is too much, but she pushes back into me until we’re as close as we can be. A small whimper passes her lips and I wonder whether it’s a sound of pleasure or pain.

  Although she’s attracted to me, has growing feelings for me, she has a life with Tucker. It may not be the life she necessarily wants, but I don’t know that she’s ready to walk away from it either. She obviously cares for him. I see how torn up she gets over him. I can’t say I understand it because he definitely doesn’t look at her the same way.

  She is a filler for him. She looks good on his arm. Pictures are always being snapped of the beautiful couple they are. He soaks up the attention and then tosses her aside when they’re out of the spotlight.

  Who or what the hell broke her and made her feel like she is a rug to be walked on?

  Shit, he doesn’t just walk on her. He gets his boots muddy, clomps in and stomps all over her. And she lets him.

  I let the anger I feel for that bastard push our kiss further, let my tongue slide into her mouth, feel the shiver that runs through her. We both need this connection tonight. I need to forget the taint that Davyd seared into me and she needs to have a man want her.

  Ever so gently, like the whisper of the wind on your skin, I run my fingers across her skin as I break away from our kiss. My eyes stay locked on hers. “You are so beautiful, Vic.�
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  Her breath hitches. There is indecision in her brown eyes, but the pain is what I see the most. She’s lost and wants someone to find her.

  “Tell me what I can do to make you feel better,” I say, keeping my voice low.

  My fingers stay curled against her cheek, my other hand holding hers. My eyes implore her to speak the truth. Her mouth opens once or twice, but no sound escapes. I understand how hard it is to admit your truest desires to someone.

  I lean forward and give her a gentle peck on her soft lips. It’s brief and when I pull back, her eyes are still closed. I’m not sure whether she’s relishing the moment or hoping I’ll be gone when she opens them. Either way, it’s truth time.

  “It’s okay, Vic. Anything you say here is okay with me. I’ll do whatever you want. No judgment. No anger.”

  When her eyes open, the sadness is still there, but passion is swirling in her dark depths, too. I squeeze her hand and she gives me a weak smile. The sound of her swallowing is audible in the space between us.

  Once more, I ask, “What is it you want, Vic?”

  “You, Grant. God help me. I want you.”

  She can no longer look at me and she doesn’t need to. I scoop her into my arms and carry her into my bedroom. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and her tension pistons through my body. As much as I would like to hammer into her, rid my mind of what transpired in my home earlier in the evening, I know I need to be tender.

  The light from the other room filters in, giving just enough illumination to see her gorgeous face as I lay her down. I see the anxiety and anticipation. I know she wants this as much as I do.

  Before we lose any clothing, I need to taste her again. I’ve waited so long to kiss her and the little bit on the couch wasn’t nearly enough. So, I claim her lips with mine. I don’t care that she lives with Tucker. It doesn’t matter how gentle I’ll be taking things with her tonight. She will come to find out that things will be done the way I say to do them.

  With my plans for her in place, I run my hands down the front of her body. Her long neck is something I’ve admired for months. It’s graceful and meant to be nipped at. Her breasts are the perfect size, round and firm, always teasing me, screaming out for me to grip them, get them naked, flick at those pink nipples. Her flat stomach, I’ve seen it in the gym too many times and now it’s all here for me to have my way with.

  My cock is throbbing with the mental imaging I’m throwing at it. Enough is enough. She has too much clothing on. I’m rock hard and my jeans are far too restrictive.

  Her hands run up my back as I shimmy her shirt up and over her breasts. The creamy lace bra she has on is transparent and her nipples show through the sheer fabric. With no thought of what she likes, I dip my head down and give each one a light bite.

  She arches off the bed, causing me to smile into her soft flesh as I make the trek up her body, following the path of removing her top. I leave a trail of nips and kisses in my wake, all the way to her ear. With one hand, I still her squirming. I firmly hold her in place by her hip and continue the tortuous pleasure I’ve been inflicting.

  “I plan to taste every last inch of your sweet flesh, Victoria. Now stop all that wiggling around.”

  A light intake of air is her only response and I’ll take it. I prefer her speechless. It means she’s not stopping this. I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to. The dirty is erasing from my soul with every kiss I place on her body. Every nip and bite, every way I mark her erases the stains from my mind.

  My kisses head down until I find myself at her center. Knowing she can’t stay still, I grab her hips on both sides before I run my tongue straight up her middle. “Grant!”

  I said one day my name would come screaming from her lips and to hear it now is pure victory.

  I set a pace that is not too fast, but not so slow she’ll lose interest in what I’m doing. It’s all about letting her know she’s being adored. Right now is about making her feel wanted. Her legs clenching and her cries to bring her over the edge are bliss to me. I want to record this moment and send it to Tucker. Have him see that I took his girl and she is totally content.

  But, it’s not time for that yet.

  Happy with myself for winning this battle, I increase the pressure on her core and finally let her fall over the edge. She is glorious when she orgasms. Her skin glows and the screams she lets out are music to my ears.

  I can see she needs more, though.

  Never one to disappoint, I grab a condom from the night stand, quickly rip open the package, and roll it on. Her open arms and spread legs are the best invitation I’ve received in years. What kind of a dick would I be to reject that?

  With slow, deliberate force, I enter her. Her eyes close, but I can see the ecstasy written all over her face. She’s found nirvana in this moment.

  “Open your eyes, Vic. Look at me.”

  Her eyes go wide and lock onto mine. With a smile on my face, I make her watch me as I push into her, again and again. I want her to feel like I’m making love to her. The shock on her face tells me she’s never felt this way with Tucker. Maybe not with anyone.

  This is why I will win. I’m the better actor.

  Chapter Seven

  Grant—Twenty Two Years Old

  “But, I love you, Grant. How can you still want me to sleep with Tucker?”

  I knew this question was coming. Quite frankly, I’m surprised it took her this long to ask. We’ve been lovers for over nine months now. Christ, she’s more broken than I first thought. She’s been letting me lead her around like a dog and all I‘ve had to do is tell her I love her.

  Here’s to playing up a little more of how much I love her.

  “I love you, too, Vic. It kills me to know he’s touching you in any way, but it has to be this way for just a little longer. We’re almost done taping for the season, then you can end things with Tucker. We’ll still need to see each other in secrecy for a while, but we can start hanging out as friends when next season starts and then when a romance starts, it will look natural. You know how our world is and how the paparazzi works. If you jump straight from him to me, it will be awful for you. They’ll make you look like you’re only getting roles based on the men you fuck. I’m not trying to sound cruel, but this is a cruel business we’re in and I want to protect you from it.”

  “I just want to be with you,” she whines. “It feels wrong to be with both of you. What if I just stop being with him? Then only you are touching me and he and I remain friends.”

  Her eyes mist over and pain crosses her features. I know I should feel bad for what I’m putting her through, but she still has compassion for Tucker. I may have been willing to find a way to spare her a little, but then she made her “friend” comment about Tucker. Now, she’s going to go down with his sinking ship.

  I run my hand down my face, making it look like this topic has me as frazzled as it does her. The only thing I’m irritated by is her irrational need to hold onto Tucker in any way. He treats her like an accessory, something to polish up, nice and shiny. Something to make him look good and then put away in the closet—away from people when he doesn’t need her.

  I may be using her myself, but at least when I’m with her, I treat her like a queen. I devote all my attention to her. I tell her she’s beautiful and I spend our time together trying to build up her self-esteem.

  It does suck that she became stuck in this without being asked, but if I have my way, she will come out of this a fighter.

  I’m sure she’ll hate me for a long time, but I’m okay with that. Hell, I may even keep pushing her after the fallout if it gets her to push back and be the woman she should be. A human doormat is not who she was ever destined to be.

  “I want it to only be me, too. I want that more than you know. If you were with someone other than Tucker, this would be easier. Don’t give up. We’re so close to making us a reality. There’s only two more months before we take our taping break and you can end things with Tuck
er. You can do this. Do this for us.”

  I pull her into my arms and let her cry out her anxiety. The entire time she’s buried in my chest, I’m looking at the clock, trying to think of how to get her out of here.

  Melanie will be here soon.

  Wouldn’t that be a fun one to explain? “Gee, honey. I love you, but I’m fucking Melanie to bring down the guy you’re so worried about keeping as your friend.” Yeah, I so see myself wanting to have that conversation.

  “What is Tucker doing tonight?” I ask gently, hoping she doesn’t say he’ll be out with Eddie. I’m running out of time to get her to leave. I know I can easily come up with a lie about needing to be somewhere, but it’s easier if she leaves on her own. The shell of a person she is, she’ll believe anything I say and walk out of here thinking it’s okay to be pushed aside by her boyfriend and her lover. I don’t know why, but it infuriates me that this woman, who is so unbelievably beautiful, can lower herself to such a pathetic state.

  Her large, chocolate eyes meet mine and for a millisecond, her tears tug at my heart. I seriously want to cut that fucking tiny little speck of a section out that keeps allowing her to pick at it. It can’t even be more than the size of a pin head, but somehow, she has found my weakness.

  Fucking underdogs—the people who get stepped on and tossed aside, looked over and treated poorly while others are looked at as kings. I have a soft spot for them. I keep trying to close up that hole, but like a balloon with a slow leak, the air keeps seeping out.

  “Oh, shit!” She jumps back and I’m a bit lost. She starts looking around my apartment, but I have no idea what she’s looking for.

  “Vic? What are you loo—”

  “I have to go. I can’t believe I forgot.”

  Her voice has raised an octave as a different anxiety rushes forth.

  “Forgot what? Stop a second,” I coax. “Tell me what’s going on.”